過去に看護師として仕事をしていた私ですが、今は会社で保健師として仕事をしています。
そんな私の業務のひとつである「特定保健指導」について書いた英語の文章です。
まずは私が書いた文章（オリジナル）を記しており、その次が添削が入ったものです。
日本訳もつけておきます。
また、文章を読んで間違いに気づくことができるよう、
オリジナル→オリジナルに誤り部分にマーキング→修正済み文章
といった流れて記しておきます。（恥を晒していますね笑）
※実際の添削では、文章のチェックだけでなく「なぜそうなるのか」といった理由も示されていますが、その部分に関してはブログでは割愛しています。
内容
私は10年以上病院のICU看護師として仕事をしてきましたが、今は会社の健康管理室で保健師として仕事をしています。主に社員さんと面談をしたり、健康に関するアドバイスをしたりしています。
特定保健指導を知っていますか？メタボリックシンドロームなどの健康上の問題がある40歳以上の人を対象にした、健康改善のために食事や運動に関して指導するものです。期間は約６ヶ月で、私は面談やメールで助言をします。社内で約70人に対してこの指導を行っています。
BMIが25以上または腹囲が85cm以上（女性の場合は95cm以上）の人がメタボリックシンドロームとみなされます。メタボリックシンドロームに該当し、さらに中性脂肪が150以上、HDLが40未満、血圧が135/80以上、血糖が100以上、または喫煙といった項目に該当し健康上の問題を抱えている場合、心臓や脳の疾患にかかる傾向にあります。
メタボリックシンドロームでありさらに何らかの問題がある場合、心筋梗塞や脳梗塞といった生活習慣病にならないよう、アドバイスを受けるようになっています。
オリジナル
I used to be a nurse at ICU in a hospital for over ten years, but I've worked as a public health nurse at a healthcare room in my company. Mostly, I have an interview with co-worker, and I give some advice about their health.
Do you know specific health guidance? It's coaching about their diet and exercise to improve their health for over 40s who have some problems called metabolic syndrome and more. The coaching term is about six months, and I give some advice by interview or email. I give the specific health guidance to about 70 people in our office.
Someone whose BMI (Body Mass Index) is over 25.0 or whose abdominal circumference is over 85.0cm (in cases of women is 95.0) are concerned as metabolic syndrome. They tend to have diseases in the heart and the brain if they also some problems: the triglyceride is over 150mg/dl, HDL cholesterol is under 40mg/dl, the blood pressure is over 130/85mmHg, the blood sugar is over 100mg/dl, or smoking. Someone who is metabolic syndrome and has one of the problems takes some advice not to have some lifestyle diseases like a heart attack and a stroke.
添削前
I used to be a nurse at ICU in a hospital for over ten years, but I've worked as a public health nurse at a healthcare room in my company. Mostly, I have an interview with co-worker, and I give some advice about their health.
Do you know specific health guidance? It's coaching about their diet and exercise to improve their health for over 40s who have some problems called metabolic syndrome and more. The coaching term is about six months, and I give some advice by interview or email. I give the specific health guidance to about 70 people in our office.
Someone whose BMI (Body Mass Index) is over 25.0 or whose abdominal circumference is over 85.0cm (in cases of women is 95.0) are concerned as metabolic syndrome. They tend to have diseases in the heart and the brain if they also some problems: the triglyceride is over 150mg/dl, HDL cholesterol is under 40mg/dl, the blood pressure is over 130/85mmHg, the blood sugar is over 100mg/dl, or smoking. Someone who is metabolic syndrome and has one of the problems takes some advice not to have some lifestyle diseases like a heart attack and a stroke.
添削後
I used to be a nurse at ICU in a hospital for over ten years, but I've been working as a public health nurse at a healthcare room for my company. Mostly, I have interviews with co-workers, and I give some advice about their health.
Do you know specific health guidance? It's giving advice about their diet and exercise to improve their health for people over 40 who have some problems ,such as metabolic syndrome and so on. The consultation period(term) is about six months, and I give some advice by interview or email. I have given the specific health guidance to about 70 people in our office.
Someone whose BMI (Body Mass Index) is over 25.0 or whose abdominal circumference is over 85.0cm (in the case of women it is 95.0) are concerned as metabolic syndrome. They tend to have diseases in the heart and the brain if they also have some problems: the triglyceride is over 150mg/dl, HDL cholesterol is under 40mg/dl, the blood pressure is over 130/85mmHg, the blood sugar is over 100mg/dl, or smoking. Someone who is metabolic syndrome and has one of the problems takes some advice not to have some lifestyle diseases like a heart attack or a stroke.